I have said this before, but after watching these last Olympics I am more convinced than ever. Surfing is not now, nor will ever be, or at least should not ever be, an Olympic sport. O.K., I know right now there are tons of you bright eyed and bushy tailed proponents of the “sport” of surfing who are saying, “What are you saying? Surfing is the coolest sport in the world and for sure should be in the Olympics!”
But that is my point. Surfing is the coolest sport, art form, lifestyle and/or thingie that many of us do to one extent or another. And I do it to probably much more of an extent than almost anybody so my opinion counts. At least to me. Surfing is too cool for the Olympics. Way too cool. And my case in point right now is my experience trying to watch these just past games on the television.
There I was, all set and waiting for the games to begin. I like watching the ski events and rooting for our guys and chicks. And I can even be content to watch some of the figure skating and the racing. Plus the bobsleds are pretty cool too. Plus the nice thing about the winter games is that there are none of the really lame sports such as synchronized swimming and ballroom dancing that they have in the summer games. What is up with the geeks who make these decisions as to what is an Olympic sport? It is impossible for me to think of surfing alongside these kinda activities.
So anyway, there I was all happy and ready get into some serious couch time in front of the tube watching the skiing and bobsleds etc. Checking the guide one day I saw that I was just in time to see some of the action. So I cranked on the set and tuned into the channel and kicked back and got ready to be entertained. Then the announced announced, in the Olympic announcer kinda voice that I was expecting, “And today we will be presenting the exciting sport of Women’s Curling.”
Women’s Curling? I felt a monster sigh of disappointment leave my body. Is it just me or is curling the most lame idea for a sport, especially an Olympic sport, ever? This is some sort of drinking game for Eskimos or penguins or other lifeforms that might find themselves in some frozen forsaken snowed in bar in the area of either the north or south pole. But in the Olympics?
I tried to give it the benefit of the doubt and struggled through about twenty minutes. NOT. Click. Even though the waves were blown out afternoon chop it was better than watching the exciting sport of women’s curling. That was about as much fun as stepping in gum at the supermarket parking lot.
A few days later I saw that the Olympics were coming on again so I got all set in front of the television set one more time. This time it had to be something better. Then the announced announced, in the Olympic announcer kinda voice that I was expecting, “And today another exciting look at …………. Women’s Curling.” Does the term “vomit” mean anything to these people? Gag me with a snow shovel Margaret. There it was again. I could not believe my ears, and eyes.
Oh well, I didn’t have all day to watch television anyway as I needed to go to the airport to pick up some guests who were coming for a week of surfing with me. So I figured I would go to the market and buy some food and then head out to the airport to get ‘em.
A few hours later I cruised into the food court at the airport to grab a cup of coffee and a cinnabun while I was waiting for the flight to come in. I looked up to see that the Olympics were on the television set above the bar. Cool, I thought. The stupid curling had to be over by now. YOU WOULD THINK! But noooooooooooo! There it was again, and it was the same match that was on earlier. Just farther on. How long is a curling match? Do they call it a match?
After that I checked the guide to see what was on before trying to catch any more of the games. But every single time I checked there was curling. Men’s Curling. Women’s Curling. It would have been more fun to watch Hair Curling. Or the exciting sport of “Lip Curling.” I could see Clint Eastwood winning a gold in that one. “Make my day.” But I did get the idea that this might be a good way for some of the SUP (stand up paddleboard) guys to make it into the Olympics. They could try out to be “sweepers.” Those people who run along like crazy and sweep off the ice as the big thingie slides along. Geeze, where is Olympic Bachi Ball when you need it?
CORKY CARROLL is a columnist for the Orange County Register newspaper in Southern California. He was five times United States Surfing Champion, three times International Professional Champion and Number 1 on the Surfer Magazine Poll. Currently he opperates a surf adventure program at his home on Mainland Mexico.